In the aftermath of a contentious election, the decision by the elite Ethical Culture Fieldston School in the Bronx, New York, to offer counseling support, suspend homework, and make attendance optional for students sparked a firestorm of criticism. However, as a mental health professional and child anxiety specialist, the author had a very different perspective on this approach, seeing it as a necessary step in supporting students' emotional well-being and fostering resilience.

Navigating the Complexities of Emotional Resilience

Flexible Expectations: The Key to Adaptation

When it comes to building resilience in children, the author argues that we often miss the mark. The narrative that efforts to create emotional space for kids are the problem, rather than the solution, runs counter to the science of emotional resilience. High levels of stress keep individuals in "fight-or-flight" mode, which is the opposite of the emotional processing mode necessary for growth and adaptation. By making adjustments, being flexible with expectations, and providing appropriate space, children are better equipped to navigate their emotions and learn how to adapt to experiences that may be upsetting or challenging.

Validating Emotional Experiences

The author cautions against undermining children's agency by deciding whether their emotional reactions are legitimate. As adults, we may not have faced the same level of constant exposure to social media and non-stop news cycles that today's youth encounter. It is not our place to determine what feels overwhelming to a child; rather, our role is to acknowledge their feelings and guide them through the process of emotional processing and regulation.

The Importance of Emotional Education

Emotional processing is not an innate skill; it is something that must be taught. With a devastating youth mental health crisis unfolding, it is incumbent upon adults – parents, teachers, and others – to help children learn these essential skills. Rather than making them feel bad for having feelings, we should be prioritizing the teaching of emotional processing and regulation strategies.

Fostering Engagement and Civic Responsibility

The author also emphasizes the importance of not discouraging children's engagement with the political process and their investment in the future of their country. If children are impacted by election results, it is crucial that we support their emotional processing and guide them towards constructive ways of channeling their concerns and beliefs.

Resilience: A Journey, Not a Destination

Resilience is not about simply "bouncing back" or "bootstrapping" one's way through challenges. True resilience comes from accepting the reality of a situation, acknowledging the accompanying emotions, and finding meaningful ways to build connections between the present and a more hopeful future. This process requires the support and guidance of caring adults who can navigate the complexities of emotional processing alongside their children.

The Role of Parents and Caregivers

Research has shown that children's ability to flourish is closely linked to their capacity to openly discuss the tough, complex issues in life with their parents or caregivers. By creating a safe space for these conversations and demonstrating their own ability to sit with discomfort and uncertainty, adults can model the emotional resilience that children need to develop.

Guiding Conversations and Fostering Adaptation

The author provides a set of messages to help guide parents and caregivers in their conversations with children during challenging times, such as after an election. These include normalizing feelings, emphasizing the importance of adaptation, naming emotions to tame them, and encouraging children to take action in line with their values, while maintaining kindness and open-mindedness.

A Collective Responsibility

The author acknowledges that most schools will not offer a "mental health day" for students after an election, but emphasizes that the responsibility lies with all adults to step up and provide the necessary support and guidance. By listening to children, helping them gain perspective, and encouraging them to take control of what they can, we can cultivate a sense of collective responsibility for each other's well-being and the planet, ultimately fostering the growth and flourishing of the next generation.