The holiday season is a time when kids are showered with gifts and food. It's natural for parents to expect their children to show gratitude by saying "please" and "thank you." However, one child development expert has a different perspective. Beck Goodman, a play-based early literacy specialist and founder of Grow with Beck, believes that parents should not coach kids to say these things during the holiday season. Instead, she recommends praising children when they use their manners naturally.

Why Not Coach Kids to Say "Please" and "Thank You"?

Goodman explains that preschoolers saying "thank you" without being reminded is a rare and magical moment. By celebrating their effort with kindness, parents can plant the seeds for good manners to grow naturally. She advises parents to refrain from reminding their kids to say "please" and "thank you" during the holiday season, especially when they are with family who may have high expectations. Instead, praise them when they use their manners on their own. For example, you can say, "That was awesome! … Thank you so much for thanking me. That made me feel really appreciated."When children are not made a big deal of when they don't use their manners, they are more likely to start saying "please" and "thank you" on their own. Positive affirmations play a crucial role in this process. As Goodman wrote in the caption of her video, "Positive affirmations make that magic happen more often. Celebrating their effort with kindness plants the seeds for manners to grow naturally."Other experts also agree that parents should not force kids to learn manners. Registered psychotherapist Jess VanderWier wrote for Nurtured First, "We shouldn't force manners upon our children. If we force them to say these words, they will not understand what they actually mean, and when they do say them, it will be out of habit rather than gratitude." Instead, we should focus on raising respectful kids.Parents should model good manners for their children. Our children are constantly watching and listening to us. If we intentionally use the words "please" and "thank you" in our conversations, our children will begin to use these words too. This holiday season, praise your children when they demonstrate good manners and remember to set a good example by saying "please" and "thank you" yourself.Although parents often remind their children to say "please" and "thank you," many experts agree that pushing it on children is not the best approach. Instead, children should develop good manners because they genuinely feel compassion and gratitude. By living a well-mannered life ourselves and showing our children through our actions, we can help them become respectful individuals.Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics. She provides valuable insights on this important topic. Let's all strive to create a more polite and respectful holiday season for our kids.