Parenting is a journey filled with challenges and lessons. Becky Kennedy, known as Dr. Becky, emphasizes that there is no such thing as perfect parenting. Instead, she focuses on effective parenting through what she calls "sturdy leadership." Through her coaching company Good Inside, she helps parents understand their role and their kids, enabling them to build the skills necessary for a fulfilling life.

Unlock Your Child's Resilience with Sturdy Leadership

Pick Your Battles Wisely

Parents often face the dilemma of choosing between their kids' short-term happiness and their long-term well-being. Kennedy admits to sometimes giving in to her kids' desires for immediate pleasure, like having ice cream for breakfast. However, she emphasizes that parents must be "long-term greedy" and consider their children's future. Life is hard, and kids need to learn how to handle difficult situations. By practicing skills over and over again, they gain the ability to overcome challenges and become more resilient.

For example, when faced with a choice between allowing a child to have a moment of struggle or immediately providing a solution, parents should choose the former. This helps children develop the coping skills needed to navigate life's obstacles.

Refrain from Fixing Everything for Your Kids All the Time

Difficult situations that teach resilience are abundant in a child's life. Whether it's a puzzle they can't solve or math homework that gives them trouble, these moments present opportunities for growth. However, it is challenging for parents to resist the urge to fix everything for their kids.

If parents always step in to solve problems, children learn to rely on immediate solutions rather than developing their own problem-solving skills. For instance, if a child is left out of a party and the parent throws them a bigger party, the child's body learns to expect immediate solutions. This pattern can continue into adulthood, where a delayed flight might lead to a tantrum and a demand for the parent to rebook the flight.

Here's How to Wire for Resilience

Two key ingredients for wiring kids for resilience are validation and capability. Validation involves acknowledging a child's emotions, such as saying "Oh, that stinks." This simple phrase can go a long way in making a child feel heard and understood.

After validation, parents should focus on reflecting capability. For example, if a child is struggling with a puzzle, the parent can say, "I know this puzzle is tricky. Take a deep breath and you can stick with it." By doing this, parents help children build the confidence and perseverance needed to overcome challenges.

In conclusion, effective parenting through sturdy leadership is about making choices that prioritize a child's long-term resilience. By picking battles wisely, refraining from fixing everything, and wiring for resilience, parents can help their children become successful, confident adults.