Discover the Truth Behind Parental Authority

Why Do Parents Act Like They Know Best?

Parents' seemingly bossy behavior often stems from their well-intentioned desire to keep their kids safe. As a psychologist specializing in family relationships, I can attest to this. When a child becomes a teenager, the world becomes more dangerous. Friendships can turn complicated and even toxic. Drugs and alcohol become more accessible and alluring. Mental health can take a nosedive, and social media doesn't offer much help.

There are several reasons for these increased risks as one grows up, but peer pressure takes the lead. To protect their teens, parents use various strategies like disciplining them ("You're grounded!") or challenging them with phrases like "When I was your age, I didn't behave like that." They might also reprimand, saying "I'm really disappointed in you." If your parents have ever acted this way, it's likely to keep you safe. Most parents understand the dangers and have likely experienced them themselves, wanting you to avoid their mistakes.

The Developing Brain of a Teenager

Right now, a teenager's brain is undergoing remarkable growth. Starting around 10 years old, there's a flurry of activity in the subcortical regions of the brain, which are associated with emotions like anger, anxiety, and defensiveness. If you're feeling these emotions regularly, you're completely normal.

As a teenager gets older, the outer regions of the brain also develop. The last part to mature is in the area behind the forehead, called the prefrontal cortex. This area is related to the ability to understand how others feel and put oneself in their shoes. Experts call this skill "perspective-taking." It means that when reprimanded for breaking the rules, instead of lashing out defensively, one can acknowledge the other person's concern.

Seeing Life from Another Perspective

For adults, perspective-taking can be challenging, but for teens, it's even harder as the prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed yet and won't be until about age 25. A teenager's brain allows them to do many amazing things, but they are naturally inclined to see life from their own perspective and have difficulty understanding why others act the way they do.

Your perception of your parents as bossy is based on the still-developing nature of your brain. Meanwhile, the part of the brain associated with big emotions is fully developed. This combination can be tough.

A Final Note

You might think that parents "always act like they know what's best," but in my parenting research, it's clear that they often struggle with how to handle certain situations. Over 40% of the parents in my last study had self-critical thoughts about their parenting. They're also trying their best.

If you can, give your parents a break and maybe even a hug. Remember, curiosity has no age limit, so adults, feel free to share your questions too. We'll do our best to answer them.